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October 26, 2004
A really bad dream...
Last night, I had the worst dream ever. Scott and I are no longer together but we are still friends. We are on a camping trip and Scott and I are sharing a tent. The dream is fine and dandy until Scott starts to have sex with a friend of his in the tent. I cry as I watch Scott under my sleeping bag. The dream was so vivid it actually felt real. I woke up and man was my heart pounding. And in my condition, that's not really a good thing. It's 1:33 in the morning and I'm balling like a 10 year old girl. Earlier that day I had did some serious cleaning of Scott's loft. I mean SERIOUS cleaning. I re-arranged furniture, dusted, moped, vacuumed and I even put up the suede panel I sewed a few months back. You would swear I was on crack or something. I was getting dizzy and even fell down the stairs trying to have the place clean before he got home. Also that day, Scott had the windows on the upper level of the loft covered (they look amazing BTW.) so he was looking forward to seeing them finally up. So I thought I would go over the top and re-do the loft to make it look even more amazing. I was so pleased with the out come that I couldn't wait for Scott get home to see it. Yeah, he didn't like the way I moved couches. I was was mad, then hurt, then mad, then hurt again. It was a vicious cycle of emotions. I guess I thought I was going to get a "wow honey, the place looks great" Instead I get "Uhh what's this, what's going on here" as he gestures to the living room's apparent poor arrangement.
I was so mad that I decided not to speak to him because he had no clue what I had to go though to get it done. He asked if I was still mad, and I for a change said "yes". I always say "I'm fine" or "I'm ok". Scott told me he hates when I do that, so I didn't. I told him how I felt and he apologized. End of story right? A person in their right mind would've just let it go. Not me. I had to stay mad because my "good" work was under scrutiny. He did nothing wrong but give an opinion on HIS LOFT. Who am I to be pissed off at how he wants his loft to look? The answer was simple. I'm a Leo and I will not be seconded guessed.
I realized that the dream was very "Christmas Carol" 'esque. Meaning "Things yet to pass" I looked up stairs and thought, I can fix this right now. I can go up stairs, grovel and beg Scott to accept my apology for being a complete ass and the dream will be just that, a dream... a really bad dream. I will do anything to right a wrong, especially if MY wrong could end the best thing that ever happened to me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and headed up the stair well. I get into bed and try not to cry anymore. Scott wakes up and goes to the bathroom. I figure I have a few minutes to calm myself and stop the sobbing. He gets back into bed and pokes my arm and whispers "I'm sorry". God I almost lost it again. I mumble back "I'm sorry too". He held me in his arms and we chatted about the nights mis-hap's.
Sad thing is, if I told Scott what I was planning on doing in the first place, I might not have wasted my time and risked another heart attack. Eh, live and learn. Todays lesions? Don't be so bloody sensitive, let your partner have an opinion, and not everything I do will be liked (even though it looked awesome!)
Posted by roque at October 26, 2004 05:08 PM
Comments
Oh honey. I love that you make the place pretty! And I had not problems with how it looked. It looked great. So my issue was not an esthetics issue, it was a functionality issue. And you know i am engineer, functionality is something I think about.
And never fear, that dream will never come true, you are stuck with me sweetie!
Posted by: Scott at October 26, 2004 07:54 PM
I'm counting on it. ;)~
Posted by: Roque at October 26, 2004 08:11 PM
.
Posted by: mp3 at November 5, 2004 11:58 PM
.
Posted by: mp3 at November 8, 2004 12:49 PM